WOW How long has it been?

Yesh it has been awhile since I have blogged...I have been in a funk that just isnt cool anymore :/

I now work at Dominos.Only on the weekends :( though. I want to try to get another job ;)

My school is at a stand still once again...I am just like my mom :C I just cant find the motivation to do it...it really sucks because I really want to go to college! >:D I really want to. But not the community college kind but the dorm room kind. Kay is going to one and I really want to ^_^ But to do so I have to get a scholarship and there is NO way I am...since I am home schooled and all...I wonder if there is something I can do to make this all better...Maybe I should get anti-depresses, that might be for the best...but I dont know how I will go and get them and all that, since James is my ride nowdays and he doesnt want me on them :/ what to do, what to do..

Well one good thing James and I have worked things out ^-^ and are stronger now! I really hope things can stay like this...You see I have felt like his love was slipping from me...Ever since he met Ashley I have felt like i was second best. Like he didnt have to show me how much he loved me, etc etc. Well I got fed up with it. If I meant soo much to him he needed to start showing it (and I dont mean in buying me things either!) I told him I just wanted to be friends. I loved him soo much, but things have changed...and by changing I just didnt feel all that happy anymore :( He started crying and just stairing at me. I told him about all the things that bothered me. All the times my heart hurt just thinking about. All the things he did for others but not me (and how I REALLY wanted him to do it to me(like breakfast!))
He kept nodding and crying, finally he said the words I really needed to hear. (Not telling you) and I started crying I told him I was sorry over and over and he just kept hugging me tightly (after about a minute I realized he probably thought me saying Im sorry that I was leaving him) When he said I love you soo much, I looked him in the eye and said I love you to, I will never leave...amd me kissed and hugged and cried. I felt soo happy to be in his arms and him holding me so tightly. I dont want to ever forget that night <3 The night I opened up and finally put all my thoughts and feelings on the line. Me and him fixed it and ever since then I have felt like it use to. I dont blame him or anyone else for all the pain I felt, I never told anyone instead I kept pushing away and pushing away...

On to more EXCITING news! I got the complete Chobits manga (^-^) Its in the new 2 collectors edition books. I love them soo much!!! I also got four Aero shirts (which I would never in a million years buy for myself!) and Mudd jeans (WHICH I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR!!!!!!!) all that is earlier Christmas!!!! I wish I could say I was getting really awesome gothic clothes...but my mom isnt that awesome and my dad...well I might be getting awesome gothic clothes from him :/ We well just have to wait and see. Gram just gave me money (which I already spent) on food at subway and a Cancer shirt from Wal-mart ^-^ I love that shirt! I have been working hard on making sure chey got a special christmas...I got her complete Powerpuff Girls seasons, and Laptop (which I gave to her early) Futurama seasons 1-4 and a cosplay. Which I just got to get the gloves, mustache and shoes for. (I already spent $100 on it :( but it was worth it)

Ok it is really late and I need sleep, gots to work tomorrow...*sigh* I hope I find my Motivation soon, or else I am going to fall behind ANOTHER year -_-' Any tips?


~Ari M.